


Doleful

by SoneOnceOrbit



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Cyrus is a sweetheart, Domestic Violence, Gay, Homophobia, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Self-Harm, T.J. needs protecting, Tyrus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-27 02:55:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17758442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoneOnceOrbit/pseuds/SoneOnceOrbit
Summary: Cyrus is a 14 year old boy struggling to come to terms with his sexuality and crush on friend due to his families homophobia.T.J. is a boy from a broken home who's just trying to lead a happy life and wants nothing more than for the man he loves to be his.(Basically a sad af Tyrus fic in which they eventually get together and help eachother)





	1. We all have struggles

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys! You can call me Nuala as i'd prefer to not reveal my true name. This story is very personal to me (especially T.J's parts) as i am someone who suffers from self harm and i come from a household of violence like the one portrayed here. Please don't forget to comment and tell me what you think of the story. I'll really appreciate it.

Cyrus hunched over on the swing, shoulders tense and squared. The air whistled with a morbid quietness. His breaths fell heavy and uneven in his chest, seemingly falling into a rhythmic, chaotic mess.

Sometimes he got like this. It was one of those days where the world seemed to be caving in around him. Everything unpleasant in his life would stir and boil in his head, having a stay there for several dreadful hours on end.

His heart would ache and constrict, or pierce and contort along with the erratic breathing he could practically feel ready to jump jus throat. Sometimes the breathing would simply stop and he would thrash around at an attempt to get just one pathetic breath. Not even the flood of tears pouring from his eyes could cool down the burning of his skin; nor the ringing in his ears or the sting in his heart.

But these days weren't even the worst. The worst days were the ones he felt nothing at all. The days where someone could slap him across the face and he'd feel nothing but emptiness. On those days Cyrus would give anything just to feel. Even if the feeling was pain that seemed to scream at him from his own head. 

There was nothing worse in the world than feeling lonely. The feeling that you had no one there to support, care or love you. Yet Cyrus felt undeserving of these feelings that seemed inevitable. His life was perfect. What had ever gone wrong in his life that gave him the right to feel how he does? There were people at there who had nothing. Who's lives were much worse. So Cyrus would beat himself up for feeling sorry for himself.

Quickly, his mind drifted to his two best friends Andi and Buffy. They had always been there for him since they were all tiny 7 year olds screaming at their parents to have play dates every day. He loved the two of them with all his heart. And despite them always showing it back to him, he still felt unworthy.

But he quickly tried to bury that thought deep at the back of his mind. If Buffy had heard that she would have surely been mad. Cyrus knew that Buffy only wanted him to be happy and to stop doubting himself.

Heck! Cyrus was a lucky guy. He had many friends. Like Jonah, the boy he used to crush on so hard it's still painful for him to admit. And Cyrus knows. He KNOWS that being gay is not a bad thing. In fact it was quite the opposite. The mere idea of judging someone because of who they love was disgusting to him.

So why did Cyrus cast his eyes down and tug at his hair each time his crush on Jonah was brought back to light? When it was himself, Cyrus felt so immensely guilty at the thought of liking boys. As if he was the prime reason for humanities biggest crime.

Liking boys shouldn't cause such sadness within him. It was 2018. People should be able to love who they want and scream from the rooftops about it. To let their previously oppressed voices be heard. 

Maybe it was his parents. For shrinks they weren't the most progressive of people. It's weird that they were part of a profession that was supposed to help people without judgement. Clearly his strongly Jewish parents were unable to let go of their homophobic ways.

Cyrus knew. He know the disapproval he would be faced with if they ever found out. They made their opinions on the topic quite clear. How could their one and only son be gay? It was unnatural, disgusting, a sin and...

Tears dropped down his face. Realising he was crying Cyrus harshly rubbed under his eyes. That was enough self hating for today. It was probably time to go anyway. 

T.J Kippen was a tough guy. At least that's what he had always told himself. He didn't take shit from anyone. He would walk through the school halls with his eyes scrunched, glaring at others; sometimes his hands would be balled up into fists within his pocket and he would stand up straight, prancing down the corridors as if he owned the place.

He wasn't particularly trying to seem arrogant. At some point T.J had just realised that people left you alone if you looked like your pinky alone could tear others apart within 10 seconds. It was aggravating sometimes. Especially when people were too scared to talk to him. Always seeing him as "T.J the bully".

That was, of course, except Cyrus. The quirky and hyper boy had come into T.J's life like everything he didn't know he needed. Who knew helping Buffy would bring him such joy in life?

A smile crept onto his drained face every time he thought of his energetic friend. He liked him more than a friend. T.J wasn't going to deny it. After all who wouldn't fall for such a cute boy who talked about baby taters as if they were his one true love.

No one in T.J's immediate family was homophobic, so the sudden realisation that he was gay wasn't a particularly scary one. Of course he wasn't oblivious to what millions of people in his own country thought. Or what his friends thought on the subject of homosexuality. They were dead set that the homosexual 'agenda' was some sort of incurable disease to the Earth that they needed to distance themselves from as far as possible. But if T.J was being completely honest he couldn't give a flying fuck of what other people thought about him. The world had bigger problems than boys who love boys. 

Besides, his crush on Cyrus wasn't something he was ashamed of one bit. The thought of being with the shorter boy in any way sent a sensation of warmth spread throughout his body and butterflies would slowly flutter their way up to his heart like a mere flower bud blooming at the start of spring.

T.J thought about Cyrus a lot. He thought about his gummy smile that seemed to trigger a chain reactions of giggles within himself. He thought about his clumsiness and the way he would stumble over his own two feet simply walking down the corridor. He thought about his dorky-ness and the way he way so socially awkward but managed to be adorable about it.

But mostly T.J thought about how Cyrus accepted him for who he was. How the boy never seemed to judge him based on petty rumours. How he wanted to be friends with him despite how horribly T.J had treated his best friend.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FUCKING LEAVE? THIS IS MY HOUSE TOO".  
T.J jumped at the sound of his mum's boyfriend in surprise, but he wasn't shocked. He didn't know what they were going on about this time but he just wanted it to stop.

However it just got louder and louder and he found himself growing more agitated. Why couldn't they just stop fighting?

At the emotional cries of his mother he squeezed his eyes shut and gripped onto his bed covers at an attempt to keep himself grounded.  
But it was no use for his blunt fingernails still made the journey to his arms; where they clawed desperately. 

There was nothing more he wanted than for that bastard in his house to leave. T.J felt like such a pathetic son for just sitting by and watching. Even though he knew all previous attempts had been futile. Any chance he got to try and help his mother only made things worse. 

Words from downstairs seemed to smash their way through his bedroom door and echoe through his mind. He hated that the sleazy old bastard downstairs would call his mum a slag or a whore when he was probably the one cheating.

All of a sudden, TJ heard a scream and something smash. He lept downstairs in a rushed attempt to see what was going on, almost tripping on the way.

He came upon his mother crouched onto the floor. Her wrist hung at an awkward angle and TJ knew that he had tried to grab her. In blind fury he turned to his mums boyfriend.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE" T.J screamed, losing all control. The other man stared at him and anger spread through his features. "Don't tell me what to do you little shit".

TJ didn't see it coming. He barely had enough time to process his words before a giant fist came swinging his way, landing straight in his eye. Falling to the floor, TJ felt inexplicable pain shoot across his face.

Looking up in shock, TJ could see he wasn't the only one. Both his mum and her boyfriend were frozen and unable to move. Whilst his mum had been 'accidentally' hurt before, TJ was never usually a target of anger other than a target for petty name calling.

"Get out or im calling the police" TJ's mum said, fury written all over her face. The man she claimed to love grumbled and shoved past the two of them, snatching his keys before heading towards the door.

"I'll be back tomorrow" he said before slamming the door shut. TJ had jumped at the noise before slouching in relief at the man being gone.

A huge sob to the side of him brought attention to his mum as she broke down and tried to pick herself up.  
"Mu-"  
"I'm fine TJ" she cut off before sniffling and harshly wiping tears off her face. 

Looking at her son in pure sadness, she kissed his forehead and said "go upstairs and get cleaned up, you still have school tomorrow".

TJ wanted to argue against his mum but still made his way upstairs begrudgingly. Despite his mums claims at being fine he knew that she was just going to start crying again once he was back in his room.

He was right. TJ had barely made it through the door before the heart wrenching sobs from downstairs could be heard and before he knew it, tears also streamed down his own face.

TJ paced around quickly, trying to wipe the flood works away whilst shaking. He was angry, murderous even. He wanted to do nothing more than smash everything in his room, but the immense guilt he felt overcame it. Somehow Tj felt responsible for the way that his mum was hurt, like he could've done something to stop it. 

Throwing himself on the floor, TJ rummaged through his draws until he found a tiny blade. It was the same one he frequently removed from his plastic sharpener as he knew anything else would raise suspicion.

With his head racing, TJ started to angrily slash at his skin. Occasionally he would wince at the pain but the immense sadness and anger he felt out weighed anything else.

Almost as if he were in a trance, TJ recoiled a few minutes later and stared at his bloody arm. "Fuck" he thought. Usually TJ masked his cuts by doing them on his upper thighs or shoulders, but he had made the mistake of doing it on his arms; a place not easily concealed in the middle of summer.

With a pained sigh he let some more tears flow freely. Why couldn't his life be like any other kid? He just wanted a day where he could be assured his mother would not be hurt. TJ thought of school the next day. He needed to come up with an excuse as to why he had a huge ass bruise forming on his face. Tomorrow was really going to be a mess.


	2. Thank You For Being There

Cyrus quietly walked to school as he admired the weather. Sunny days were always the best because they made waking up at 6am every day almost worth it. It was refreshing and in a way calming to walk down a sunny road and see other happy kids and families walk to school as well. 

"Cyrus!" He heard a shout behind him. Turning around he came face to face with Buffy and Andi, making a smile come onto his face. 

The three of them quickly linked arms and practically skipped down the pathway to school.  
"So how were you last night Cyrus, you didn't answer our messages" Andi asked with curiosity on her face.

Cyrus scratched his head trying to come up with a believable answer. He couldnt exactly say that he had been busy crying on the swings.  
"I just had so much homework. Especially that English essay. It almost KILLED me" he shouted in overexaggeration.

Buffy nodded her head sympathetically. "It really was hard. I can't believe miss would give us such a long essay to do in only 2 days". She sounded bitter, clearly from having stayed up late to finish it.

"Oh come on guys, it wasn't that bad" Andi said in an attempt to lift her friends moods. Both of them simply raised an eyebrow at her so she sighed and shook her head.

Soon they had made their way to school and so they sat outside to kill off the last 20 minutes before hell started. "Hey guys" they heard behind them as Jonah came to sit down. 

"Hey Jonah how are you today" Buffy asked. Jonah's eyes lit up and he beamed at them.  
"I had a date with Libby last night. She agreed to teach me sign language and we're doing so much better before".

Andi looked relieved besides him and he wondered why she was so happy. Whilst he may not like Jonah anymore, he couldn't help but get jealous everytime he had a girlfriend. Probably because they always had a chance and he hadn't.

"FINALLY! Libby was so hurt when you didn't try learning sign language before. Good on you for putting in effort Jonah". Andi exclaimed in half sarcasm and half praise. Jonah rolled his eyes in retalliation but the smile on his face never once faltered. 

Cyrus began to tune out his friends as their conversations became broader and less interesting. His mind drifted to last night where he had broke down at the park and shame flashed through him.  
The aching lonelyness in his chest lingered from yesterday and a brief thought crossed Cyrus' mind that perhaps his friends didn't want to talk to him. After all they didn't seem to care that he was hardly talking, or that he looked less than happy at the moment.

Violently, he started shaking his hear. His friends cared about him. They DID. It wasn't their responsibility to make sure Cyrus was actively participating. It was also not their responsibility that he felt like shit. In a way Cyrus just wanted his friends to notice that something was wrong, so he would KNOW that they loved and cared for him.

"Is that TJ? Oh my god what happened to him" Buffy's astonished tone snapped Cyrus out of his brooding. Sure enough TJ was passing by and walking towards the school. If Cyrus felt like shit, than TJ definitely looked it.

~~~~~

TJ walked towards the school as fast as he could, trying to avoid any of his friends or someone who may try to approach him. He was still unsure as to what to say when he was questioned on the huge bruise forming on his face.

The funny thing is, he almost made it. He was just about to speed walk through the door when a sweet voice called his name. Cyrus. TJ turned around to see a worried Cyrus beckoning him over and as much as he wanted to run off, he knew that would only cause more damage.

So TJ gently walked over to his crush and the three bodyguards around him, his hands shoved awkwardly in his pocket.  
"Hey muffin" TJ said in uncertainty and slipped in besides Buffy.

"Dude what happened to your face" Jonah asked.  
"Got in a fight with some other kid last night". TJ's voice was quiet and guilty. Even though he hadn't gotten into some petty fight last night, he still felt guilty because the others wouldn't know that.

Buffy shook her head in disapproval, a frown on her face. "I know you're not the nicest of guys but since when did you start getting into fights".

TJ blushed and hung his head in shame.  
"Buffy that's besides the point. TJ are you okay?" Cyrus lightly stroked his face under the eye and TJ winced slightly.

"I'm fine underdog. Don't worry about me. It was just some stupid fight and it'll heal soon"

Cyrus still didn't looked convinced. He almost looked ready to argue when Jonah suddenly spoke up.  
"Dude why are you wearing a long sleeve shirt in this weather. Its 30° and it ain't even 9am yet"

TJ averted his eyes from the 4 curious looks and fumbled out an answer. "I don't really get hot. Doesn't bother me".

Buffy looked at him as if he'd grown two heads. "TJ you sweat a bucket of water in the winter and expect me to believe that. Look your pits are already wet" she exclaimed with a hint of disgust.

TJ was becoming agitated. He knew Cyrus and his friends meant well but it still didn't mean he liked being interrogated. It wasn't like he owed it to any of them to explain every little thing he did. After all Buffy and Jonah were just about friendly with him and Andi didn't pay him any attention. Why should they act as if he owed them an explanation?

A few shouts and the fast walking of children around them stopped TJ from saying anything he'd regret as they realised school was starting. Sighing in internal relief Tj got up hastily, swinging his bag over his shoulder. He tried to mutter a goodbye and walk away as fast as he could but a hand tugging on his arm caused him to hiss in pain.

Cyrus looked shocked at the dramatic reaction and looked at Tj's arm questioningly. The other three were thankfully too preoccupied to notice anything going on. The hand that had only meant to pull tJ back had accidentally brushed against his cuts, causing a burning sensation to shoot up his arm.

In panic Tj did the only thing he knew how to do in this situation. He ran.

~~~~~~

All throughout the day Cyrus was restless. He couldn't help thinking about TJ's injuries and strange behaviour. The urge to jump out of his seat and check to see if he was okay was strong but unfortunately they shared no classes together.

TJ wasn't the nicest person he knew. But TJ definitely wasn't some sort of delinquent that went around picking fights with other kids. Something was definitely wrong and Cyrus wanted to find out and help TJ the best he could.

Fortunately the school day seemed to pass quickly and Cyrus soon found himself leaving school with Andi and Buffy.

"But i'm worried about him guys. He's been withdrawn all day and we all know TJ isn't usually like this" Cyrus said with a slighy rise in his voice. His two female friends exchange glances and Buffy sighed. 

"Cyrus i'm sure he's fine. TJ's a big boy and like he said, he probably got into a stupid fight. Most likely over basketball". She chuckled and rolled her eyes at the thought of how easily TJ became heated over sport.

"If you're that worried try talking to him about it. He'll be glad that you care for him even if nothing's going on. He's like a huge care bear around you" Andi gave Cyrus a reassuring smile and wrapped an arm around her friend.

He contemplated for a few seconds and decided she was right. He was going to talk to TJ and make sure he's okay. After all what kind of friend would ge be of he didn't?

Cyrus gleamed at the two of them. "You're right".  
"Of course i'm right Cy'. I can't believe you're just starting to realise my astute knowledge and wise persona". They broke down laughing at Andi's comment and the rest of the journey home was full with excited chatter.

It was 3 hours later that Cyrus found himself back at the swings, much like the previous night. It was the place that allowed him to unload all his thoughts and the place that he managed to find comfort, even in his darkest times. 

Again his mind seemed to wonder to TJ. Why had he hissed and flinched at the touch of his arm? Did his injuries from the fight extend past his face? What was his friend not telling him?

The swing next to him moved and Cyrus glanced up to see a hesitant TJ sitting down next to him. "Hey underdog" the boy said softly.

Cyrus observed his friend. Minus the raging bruise on his face, TJ looked absolutely exhausted and the redness around his eyes hinted to a night of crying.

The both of them swung in silence for a while. All that could be heard was the distant honking of cars and the echo's of a city that had been filled to the brim only a few hours prior. The park around them was empty. After all, most parents wouldn't be willing to take their children out at 7pm on a Monday night.

TJ was the one to break the silence eventually. "Okay" he said and jumped off the swing. "I'm done with feeling sorry for myself. Lets talk about something". 

Cyrus slowed down and gently hopped off. He walked towards TJ, where the old boy was propped up against a tree. 

"Soooo, how was your day" TJ asked and gave a lazy grin to the boy on his right.

"It was going okay. Except the part where i spent the majority of it worrying over this friend i have. You see he has this huge bruise on his face and i'm pretty sure he isn't telling me the whole truth" Cyrus said and TJ buried his head in his knees.

"Back to that already huh"  
Cyrus shuffled over and looked at his friend in concern.

"TJ you're my friend. I know you and i know you'd never get into some petty fight. I really wish you'd tell me what's wrong so i could help you".

They sat in silence for a few minutes before TJ looked up, his eyes glistening with tears. 

"I-I'll tell you" he said and rubbed at his eyes to stop the tears.  
"But you have to promise to not tell anyone else"

Cyrus' heart broke at this. To see TJ break down in front of him was so weird. He never usually showed vunerability and usually kept up a strong facade.

Cyrus took a hold of TJ's hands and looks him in the eye.  
"I promise"

With a deep breathe in, Tj started to speak.  
"M-my mums boyfriend. He isn't usually like this. I don't know what happened. He was so angry and...it's usually just my mum he goes after but i saw him coming after me and i didn't know what to do and he hit me and-"

"TJ deep breaths" Cyrus interupted him as he saw him start to panic. TJ began to calm down as Cyrus rubbed slow circles into his hands in comfort.

"Thanks" he croaked out, his throat clearly dry and parched.  
Despite his calm demeanor on the outside, Cyrus was panicking. His friend was being physically abused at home and he couldn't do anything. He knew that asking to call the police would only make TJ worse.

"Please don't tell anyone. He'll just get worse and hurt mu mum even more" TJ said with clear spite in his voice.

"He's a disgusting man and im not trying to protect him but my mum needs it". Cyrus nodded.

"I'm not going to lie to you and say that i know what im doing TJ. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to". The other boy seemed to visibly relax, his shoulders hunching with relief.

"If you ever need a place to go because he's there or you just feel unsafe. Come to mine. I'll never turn you away".

TJ let out a tiny chuckle.  
"Thank you underdog. I'll keep you up on that offer".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note to let you guys know that this story will probably get more dark as it goes on. I haven't decided yet but i'll add new tags when it does so please make sure to read them.


End file.
